Very very true, Dan. I think we often misuse "the cross to bear" as if it is independent of us. If I get sick then this is my cross to bear, for instance.

But no, Jesus asks us to take up our cross: we have a choice. We can be true to him and our real selves by accepting to bear a particular cross, or we can deny it and him. Heft your load, brother, you're helping me heft mine.