Nonmonogamy, polyamory: definitions, pastoral perspectives, and theology
[This is the eighteenth in a series on marriage.]
There is nothing new under the sun, and marriages that include third parties are no exception. The Sun-King, Louis XIV of France, had something like 30 mistresses as well as two queens during his long life and reign, for example. So the rise of “ethical nonmonogamous” marriages, polyamorous triads (“throuples”, and more), and “open” marriages is not new either, but these are becoming newly acceptable in our time. What must the Church say?
No? “‘No’ is a complete sentence,” my friend Bishop Dean Wolfe, rector of St. Bartholomew’s, New York, reminds us. But that’s not enough. Many thoughtful, caring people are trying these arrangements, and they deserve more than just a terse dismissal.
So here’s my take.
Definitions
We are not discussing polygamy and polyandry — multiple marriages of women with one man or one woman with two or more husbands. Nonmonogamy as opposed to marriage is claimed to be nonmarital, including polyamory.[1]
To be clear, the basic difference between the traditional marriage in which one or both spouses secretly practice adultery and “ethical” nonmonogamy is consent and transparency. Nonmonogamy divides into three…
