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“Lust, attraction, and attachment”
Fifth in a series
In my research on the neurology of romantic love, I note that scientists tend to talk about three phases, which they name “lust, attraction, and attachment.” Let’s talk about “lust” first.
Jesus famously said that while we are commanded not to commit adultery, he insisted that even deciding to do it with someone you are gazing at is the same as the act itself.[1] The English word usually used is the verb “lust.” Some of you may remember that then-presidential candidate Jimmy Carter discussed his experience in a 1976 interview with Playboy magazine. “Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. Christ said, ‘I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery.’ “I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will do — and I have done it — and God forgives me for it.”[2]
Carter used the word “lust” like the researchers do, and they are all wrong. Sexual desire is not something we control. It truly is “chemical attraction”. While the stimulus that awakens it comes from the senses, what each of us experiences is different. What might excite me may not excite you at all. Nevertheless, it is a rare person who never feels that disturbing, pleasant sensation.
