"God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." Bullshit. It may feel wonderful when we're at the end of this life and have entered Larger Life. But it sure sucks now.

I have weitten ti you before to say that I was where you are. And I am again, with my new wife. My advice, FWIW, is to continue not to let God get away with it, as you've done here. Sometimes, "what the fuck, Lord?" is a perfectly appropriate prayer.

The only thing that doesn't work, I believe, is The Silent Treatment. Although after the next-sacrifice of his son Isaac, Abraham never talked with God again. It's like God knew he'd pushed him too hard.

I will redouble my prayers for you, your wife, and family. And judging from the comments, you have a lot of friends...